Although I try to keep my entries positive it just isn't always possible.
How do you cut off a part of your baby? How do you say goodbye to something that grew inside of you and is attached to the most precious thing you know? While Madeleine doesn't realize it I am constantly saying goodbye to that little foot. When she nurses I touch it and stroke the soft skin. When we play I tickle it and bite it. "I'm going to eat your foot!" She laughs. I have painted her toe nails. I have cut them, clipped them and even bitten them. I have studied that little foot so that I can memorize all parts of it. One day it will be gone. How do you say goodbye to a physical part of your daughter.
Someone told me once that every time their child lost a tooth they had a hard time and mourned a bit. What happens when your child loses their foot? Hard time? Yes. Mourning? Yes.
I am going to make a cast of her foot. You can save your child's teeth. You can celebrate their "big teeth". Madeleine's foot will not grow back. I need to have something that is an exact replica.
I was asked last night if I will "save her foot". That is, will the doctor be able to give me her foot when he takes it off. I'm still thinking of this one. Do I want it? Is it morbid to consider? Somehow, when it is your child's it is not morbid. It is not "medical waste", it is part of her.