We had one of those nights last night. We have them occasionally and last night was a doozy. Max had gone to sleep and Michael was in bed reading and it was just my girl and me. She started the night by asking me about my two legs. After a little while she asked me why she can't have a foot transplant. She said, "why can't they take a different leg and sew it on mine?"
And then the tears came.
"I don't want this anymore"
"Why can't there be another kid at school with a prosthetic"
"Why did this happen to me"
I cried. I couldn't help it. Because deep down I still feel like this is partly my fault. I know it sounds ridiculous. Don't try to comfort me on this and say things happen to babies that we can't control-blah blah.
The truth is I grew Madeleine and Fibular Hemimelia happened inside of me. And I feel like it is partly my fault.
Madeleine and I continued a long conversation. She has a broken heart right now. She has a Bestie that means the world to her and she recently found out that Bestie is going to a different school next year. She has a broken heart. "Mom, it isn't just broken...It's shattered. Without Bestie no one will stand up for me. Without her kids can make fun of my leg."
I knew these conversations would come but my heart is now shattered too.