Migraines

I have migraines, I always have. My mom has them and it wouldn't surprise me if my sister has them too. I remember the first time I had one. I must have been going through puberty since I remember it to be Junior High (what a rough time that was!).

I have always known my migraines to be related to hormones or food. If I even have a sniff of red wine I have a terrible migraine for a week! When I was early pregnant I had a constant migraine until I was about 16 weeks along.

After the kids were born I didn't get them. I was nursing so much and producing enough milk to feed a small village that the hormones were kept in check. Prolactin is a funny thing.

The nursing hormones did other things of benefit. They gave me a regular cycle and I felt like a human. Before getting pregnant and nursing I had completely wacky cycles and crazy hormones. I have Polycystic Ovaries or a condition known as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS.

Because I have nursed the children for so long I almost forgot that I am plagued with this metabolic disorder. I have enjoyed regular and predictable cycles and other benefits from healthy hormones. Not for much longer....

Although the kids still nurse they do not do it as often. So, now my hormones are getting wacky again. I'm getting migraines, having annovulatory cycles and some of the other dreaded symptoms (you will have to do an Internet search to find out about that...)

After 36 years in this body I have begun to know it well. I know my menstrual cycle like I know a good book that I have read many times. I know my moods, my ups and downs and my triggers. I enjoyed pregnancy as it afforded me an experience to live in a body that was not my own. I have enjoyed nursing my children for so so many reasons.

As I have mentioned before I cannot understand why someone would not, if they could, nurse their children. Why would you trust a company that produces synthetic milk to sustain your baby? Why would you put a latex nipple in their brand new mouth if you can put a part of your body? Really, as a pregnant woman you nurture your off spring with your body until they are born, why not continue to feed them with what nature intended? I think breastfeeding my children has been one of the most important things I have ever done as a mother. And I am not being over dramatic here. Unless you have been there you cannot know.

Challenge me on this one. I dare you.

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Regardless of my feelings on this I am ending my nursing relationship with my precious twins. They are now 26 months and healthy, happy children. I know that some would call me creepy for nursing them for so long. All I have to say to you is... you don't get it.... and mind your own business.

My migraines are returning with a vengence. They are dehabilitating and constant. They range from shitty to worse. A four to an eleven on the pain scale. I went to the doctor and there is nothing they can give me while I am nursing. I can take ibuprofen and that, at most, takes the edge off.

I have told Max and Madeleine that the doctor has told me to stop. I have told them that mommy's headaches hurt and it is time for me to take medicine but they cannot have milk when I take it. I have discussed with them that babies drink their mommy's milk and big kids, like them, do not need it. Even with all these reasons it makes the three of us cry.

My babies are growing up and they will be my last. My body has done what it was suppose to for a while. It grew healthy twins despite their prematurity. It nursed them well for two years. Now it is time for me to go to battle against it again. I won once.

This morning was our last time nursing. I didn't realize that that would be our last time but as my children went to bed sans milk tonight I think I just may have to be done.